Spending Saturday night helping Sean writing packing list and meal suggestions. My boy is growing up so fast! I think it also helps me coping with the thought. I’m a part of the process of him moving away from home for a year, moving even further away from me. But aw yis, I’m doing good as a girlfriend tonight!
I’m so lost. Sean is working right now, his lunch is an hour and 15 minutes away. My brother just left and now I’m home alone. I feel so lost lately. Some days I deal with it perfectly fine, but days like today I’m in pieces. I’m home alone, no one to talk to. I have no pet to take care of, my room doesn’t need tidying because I manically keep it tidy.
I hate this. I absolutely hate this. I feel like a lost puppy. And I shouldn’t depend this much on a human, but to be honest it doesn’t effect him. I don’t keep him from doing what he wants to. I’m not that bad of a person. I feel like a shitty person, but I encouraged him to take this job even though it tore my heart apart. Because that was love is. Sometimes you need to accept things that breaks your heart (cheating not included, that’s unacceptable, period.)
I’ve seen a lot of people feeling a bit ashamed of how they met their love over the internet. I’ve seen people ask others if “it’s okay” to having met their love on this website or this website. And I just want to reassure you, it’s perfectly fine.
Whether you met them on “normal” places like Tumblr, Twitter or Facebook. Or if you met them through a World of Warcraft server, an anime chat room, a forum for fish lovers, Omegle, anything really. It’s perfectly fine.
I was embarrassed about how I met Sean once. I felt judged when I explained I met him through a game on the PlayStation 3. Some people don’t take things like that very nice. But do you know what? It’s not us there’s something wrong with. It’s them.
Yes you found love in an unusual place. Finding your love on the internet is still a bit weird, even in 2014. But there’s nothing wrong with it. Not everyone finds their soulmate randomly at school, work, at a friend’s party. And it’s okay.
I got over my little phase of being embarrassed about Sean and my story. I’m proud now to have met him in this weird place. Because it’s different. It’s not a story you hear every day.
And that’s why you should be proud too. If you decide to have kids one day, I bet you they would love how their parents met in such a strange way.
You don’t need to be embarrassed, because it’s perfectly fine. And if people say it’s not perfectly fine, screw them. Screw them.
It’s been a week since Sean went back to England. It’s been hell to say the least. We both sleep like shit, our bodies are acting up. The heat that’s over both Denmark and England, maybe it’s a “Northern” Europe kinda wave?
It’s been stressing too, he’s had to look for a room to live in but whenever he finds a decent one it’s either way too expensive or they’re painting the room or something like that. It’s draining both of us to say the least. His dad was kind enough to pay for a week’s worth of hotel stay so he can at least have a roof over his head for his first week. He hasn’t been lucky with finding places to view.
He’s leaving for where his new job is very early tomorrow morning. I’m scared shitless because I probably won’t be up for that and I don’t know when I can talk to him again, and I can’t be up for telling him good luck for his first day at work.
In general it’s all been very upsetting and stressing. I’m excited for him because I know he’s excited to kind of be on his own, moving away from home and get this experience. But that’s about it.
Major changes in a relationship and the routines you make together as a couple are far from nice, terrifying in fact. But it will be okay. It needs to be. Ugh. This post was probably pointless.
I’m starting to believe in “couple sensing” I haven’t been able to sleep for a lot of reasons and I just check facebook on my phone kind of for fun, hoping Sean would be on but knowing my luck he wouldn’t be. But he was actually on and now we’ve spend a good hour and a half up together unable to sleep. His Malle senses were tingeling!
"I crave you in the most innocent ways. I crave when you search for my hand while you sleep, I crave the way you look at me when you’ve told a bad joke - because you know I’ll laugh no matter what, I crave the way you brush through my hair when I’m crying and I crave the way you sigh of happiness when I hug you tight. I crave being near you"
I’m heart broken. We’ve cried on/off all day. When he went through security I did everything I could to not cry and when he walked up the stairs and waved before he would walk through all the stupid shops, I lost it. I’m so heart broken. It feels so wrong. I don’t know for sure when I’ll see him again. We hope for November, we pray and are desperate for November. But nothing is set in stone. I’m scared, he’s scared. I hate this. I fucking hate this. I cannot wait till it’ll be less airports and crying and more waking up together and cooking dinner and going to bed again together.
I don’t want to sleep alone. I want him with me. I need him with me. He’s first home around 22 my time. It’s only 19:30. Fuuuuuuuck..
Even though my head is drowning in worries and sadness, I can’t help but look at him and feel lucky to be this close to such a wonderful human being. When I really look into his eyes, it’s like nothing else matters, in this second, everything is perfect. I’m madly in love with this human being.
In a week he’ll be gone. In a week our relationship will be looking forward to the biggest challenge we’ve had to deal with. And I’m so scared and confused and it’s all I think about. I’m hiding in the bathroom, I can’t really breathe because in exactly a week I’ll be laying in bed all alone and I Don’t know when I’ll see him again and I don’t know how things will end up.
I should be happy to have time with him now, but the overwhelming fear is getting to me. He’ll be working from like 8 till 5 in the afternoon, I have no education or work to occupy my mind and it’s scary and overwhelming. I hate myself for being so upset and scared because I get sad all the time and I can’t stop saying things like “You’ll be gone soon” or “How will I manage without you?”
I hope this will get easier. Because I’m scared. I’m really scared.